gemynd

There is me and it.

There is me and everybody else.

There is me and all the world.

There is me and all the stuff.

There is me and all the other living things.

There is me and there is me again.

Asking – Where is the dividing line? – is me and it again.

And the dividing line is something else again.

There is me when I am leading, or I think so anyway, and there is me when I am following, or so I think so anyway.

I follow it. And when I follow it. Do I follow it? It is a certain way, and I do not know the way, and so I follow it, I think.

There is the knowing that I do not always know I know. Or I know I know it in the knowing, but I am not always in it — in the knowing, that’s to say.

I do not know it, what it is, but I know that it is it. I know that it’s important. I know that it is it, which is to say, the thing that matters most of all.

It is not a thing, of course, but of course it is a thing as well, because it’s something else again. It is always something else again.

And then the rushes start. When I know it in a certain way, a certain way I cannot say exactly, but only know it when I do, then the rushes start. Right up into my head. That is it. Or rather, that is what confirms that it is it, and that it’s there, which is say quite near, so near enough that it is here, in a way of saying it.

The rushes bring it  back into some kind of focus, which isn’t good enough to say precisely what it does, but it does in some way feel like that, and it does in some way always seem to feel like something is returning, coming back, and the something that is doing that is always, is a little bit of me and a little bit of it, which isn’t little in the way it feels, however. It feels rather large, in fact.

When I feel it or connect with it then the rushes start again, and it is going where it should be going back on track.

Return, come back, from where, I’d like to know. Where did it go? Or did I go away from it? How can I go away from it? How can it go away? Does it go away? It doesn’t feel as though it goes away. It feels as though I go away. And then it feels like I come back to it. And then it feels like once I’m back with it, that it is back, even though I know that I’m the one that went away, I think.

One of me at least does go away. One of me at least does stay with it, I think. One of me, I think, does keep an eye on it, and says to me don’t go away, don’t stay away too long. One of me, then, wants to go away from it? Or one of me, then, just goes away, indifferent to it? Or does one of me just goes away, not thinking very well of where I m going, not being very mindful of my going somewhere else from where it is? Or losing sight of it in any case? I am not sure.

One of me is thinking about how it all does work. It and me, and me and me, and me and me and it.

What does it want? Does it want anything from me? It is what it is, and does it want something from me? Does it want to be with me? Does it want me to be there with it? I think sometimes, it does. Or do I want it to want me to be with it? Or does that me that knows that I should be with it, make this me then think of it like that, to make me be with it? Either way, in any way, it seems there is the notion had by me that being there with it is good for me somehow someway. It is a mystery.

It is forgotten or neglected sometimes, even though it’s known, or suspected strongly anyway, by most of me. But anytime it does return or I return to it, there is the feeling and the knowing that it is the thing that matters most, and that it is a way that’s good for me.

It is not a thing, as such. It is a living thing in some way in the way it feels. And so it isn’t static, it is moving. And it is a way, it has a way, and being with it means that I am being with the way it is, the way it has of being.

You could say that it is me, and you could say that it is you, but I could say that it is it, and I am I, and you are you, and I and it and you and it and you and I are different from each other, even though it and we are related to each other, or rather, in some kind of a relationship with one another. And what is that relationship? Well, that’s the question I am asking.

December 7, 2011

Word. Apprehension. Decision. Mystery of devil-make-care. How anything is anything again. Terse. And shaking hands ought to be evidence enough. When it all comes down to it, will is part of it. Who lets it be? 

A practice like a doctor is said to have. They say that it saves lives. Saving. Safe. Gambling. The character of anything. And charm.

Allowing it is willing it. Damages. Control. Hoping to be spared. Injury you cannot see. Youth in Asia? No. I said, euthanasia. The thing between two places.

She wore her woolen socks. It got to him that she criticized his penmanship. His grade four teacher was an abusive woman. This is not going to make any difference, he said to the abusive woman who was his grade five teacher; this will only tease your need to do violence. 

Not as bad as a bad mood is. Water drops torture. Because your centre of gravity is weightless and askew. You’re careening off the road. Your jokes are falling flat. Best for you to just stick to your sincerity. You’re afraid. Balance and flexibility are key.

November 24, 2011

Signature. Getting out of the way of it. Remembering is not the same. Unsigned signed. In your hands. Not in your hands. Automatically. Individualism. The specials. Signing authority reneged upon. Can you feel it? 

This one is for anyone. When you give it up, it’s there. When you don’t watch it you can see it. Lessons learnt again. Someone wants you to be this way or be that. Someone wants you to be over there right now. You cannot be a target if you don’t exist. Like your hands will move a certain way. Like your fingers will be. Slow. Or not. 

You don’t go anywhere. If you’re listening right now, then stop. Sometimes it's not easy, is it? It's hard because it's easy. So they say. It’s ok. Everything is everything again. Just like that. Get out of the way of it. 

You do not have to trust. Trust is not the point. Commitment sometimes is. If it's not for anybody in particular, then it's alright. 

I think that someone's getting it. Now forget it. Second guessing isn’t helping any. You will be with it again. Until you are with it. Do not worry about how this looks on your resume.  

Some things come and needn’t be recorded. This is a recording. 

Signature. This is a recording. It is live. Anybody want to go for a swim? Careful there are eddies. You and you and you and you. Together once again. If I do it like you do it, then what exactly have I done? Words and paintings aren’t the same. Words and paintings are the same. It is not a failure if you are not doing it. There has to be no reason. Relax. 

When you are that way, your breathing becomes naturally apparent. Be that way. 

nov 21 2011

Worth it. The forever song of the long shadows forgets you not for the time being. And listen do you hear? I think I do. If you could ever be the one who said, "listen, I think you’ve had enough" - then I think I can tell you this: there is something going on that is just the way it used to be, but yet not.

The clever clown went down the stairs and left out a comma. The only thing that is worth saying is anything at all. Don’t call just sing the menu. 

To you, with thrown in points of reference. Don’t be that way - unless the call comes in for me, forget it. Go to the hallway and listen to the wind in the willows. Time for refreshments. The way I see it, the only thing left to do is sit and talk. The forest is the green way, the only way to see the highway. 

This thing that is there is everywhere but here. Then the doctor climbed in and said, "what?" The don’t do this and don’t do that factor. Resounding to hear in the bathroom. If there is one thing that I need, I’d like to hear about it. And don’t you forget it. This is a song about love – the kind of love you don’t get in any dime store novel – it’s the kind of love that makes one wonder, hey, what was that song again, you know, the one by what’s his name, you know what I mean. Ok, let’s play president.

Every word is gold and don’t you forget it. If you haven’t guessed by now, I am the one you’ve been reading about. Listen, don’t tell anyone but I’ve been here before and last time I was so drunk I could hardly stand it and I could hardly stand up. So in case you’re wondering, no I don’t think I do know the answer to the question they asked last week on jeopardy. Sorry.

13 March 2011

If it is specific. There are things to do. To choose. When you’re hungry. The dinner bell will ring. This one is the one you said you didn’t like. And there you are. Everything you eat you say something about. Even Christmas is a way to dig it in. But before you go I think you ought say a few words. When it’s smaller you read it differently.

With our eyes closed you hear it and you feel it more. So much energy is spent that way. Looking all the time. Even if spaghetti turns out to be really really good for you. Well, it’s better than a lot of things. Chocolate for every meal, really? Chili peppers, yes. Now I think you’re trying too hard.

It’s more quiet with the TV off. Things don’t go as fast. I’m sitting here and I don’t mind. I don’t feel compelled. But I do feel comfortable. Even if the distance is too great, it doesn’t seem so bad to make the effort now. Getting up and getting down. They are not the same. Difference is ok here when you’re 12. Noon or midnight? Don’t be smart, so smart, too smart for you’re own good. Whatever that might mean. Is it the suit of swords again?

I spent some time in the Sahara. Oh, it’s always about you and you. Kindness before lunch. And special things with tea. That’s the way I like it. The driver pulled over and let them have some time to themselves. They had a picnic by the side of the road. They drank soft drinks and had chips and sandwiches. They shared it with the driver. He felt touched by that.

3 march 2011

Wind. Careful. Rain. Tightly done. The circumference. The circumstance. Your circumstance. His circumstance. Is not a rhyme preferable? To sing. The sign says walk. If you’re free. You are not saying it. Again. And again. Tonight. You want to see or say or do something. If. These words are for you.

There is no reason. Taken for granted. Rabbit ears. Song. Log. Voluntary. Willfulness. Crisp and clean. Tell me one more time. Once. I am sorry if you are. But it must be musical. Even if. Take it. Presenting. This one is the one you play. Yes you might as well. Differently said.

Course I do. Winter is. Completely under my control. The I that says aye aye. Go to court for that. It has to be a thing you say on Saturday. Even if you do, I don’t. Comma what. Air quotes. And a battle. If it comes out wrong. That’s it. Period.

What was given and it started up again. Always something or other. Always something else. This one is a stranger one. This one is a stronger one. Telling them the way it is supposed to be. Everybody into the pool. The forever children don’t decide this one this time.

11 jan 2011

Lethargy. The lethal pace. Saves face this afternoon. The sun shines bright on my home. Bring in the beer. We shall go rejoicing. Fatten up. Our mouths hang slack. Attack of the lay-lows. From here on in, it’s made in the shade for hiding. Check me out. Where’s my hat? Forgive me. Last thing you know is what you want. You hope to fill it in next time.

Slack is a force to reckon with. Did you hear the one about the slippery slip? Together in full view of the cars going by? Wide as a saucer eyes. Espies. Sauce. And flies despise. Spies devise a punishment. Back at headquarters. Oops, there goes another rubber rocket. Tree planted far beneath. Where they ain’t. No more. But over. If only you could keep that waxy shine.

My dog’s bigger than your dog. Everything counts in large amounts. In the cold light of day. The 5 AM fresh. If you gotta. Forget it. If you’re still up for fun. It’s a fine fatigue you’re floating down to. If you’ve got the jump. And your mind is blasted. You’re up front. Sky surrounds you. So blue. Only light like it. No devil can get you then.

That light ain’t cold. It’s wild aether. Fabulous. Your finger figured out the fine relief. You will not be forgotten. Fortune smiled on a beggar. Drunk as a skunk. But you did not lose face or your grace. You yielded when necessary and went forward like a pioneer. Performed the perfect non-performance.

Private. The waiting. To be undone. Exposed. At the price paid. Both for increase and decrease. In clover. Or in the slammer.